When I'm at church, I don't typically sing. It's not because I don't like singing, it's because I like listening to everyone else sing. I don't have a good singing voice (or speaking voice, for that matter) but I feel like almost everyone around me at church does. In fact, I'd be willing to bet we have a disproportionate amount of amazing voices in our tiny congregation compared to most churches. And that includes my wife, she has a lovely singing voice.
I feel more engaged in worship when I listen to the singing instead of singing myself. That's totally my personal preference; most folks I talk to about this do not feel the same way and that's fine.
I feel that by listening to the voices around me I'm surrounded by beauty while everyone helps me "tune my heart to sing thy grace".
If you're white and you feel pressured to immediately start telling the whole world via your social media megaphone what you think about any of the most recent violence against our black brothers and sisters, consider just...not doing that.
To be clear, I'm not saying white people should be silent or complacent or indifferent. Not at all.
But if you feel like you don't know how to help, or how to feel, or what to say, that may be because you don't know how to help, or how to feel, or what to say. That's where I am right now, as I write this.
Which is an OK place to be for a time; but I don't plan to stay there forever. Much work has been done, and there are so many resources I can use to educate myself. Engage with the research, engage with the people that put in work to do the research. I'm going to let myself feel it when I read it or watch it. Let it punch me right in the chest. Let it take my breath away.
Will it be hard? Yes. Will I change overnight and fix all the broken terrible things about my heart in one night? No. Will reading and watching these things make me feel like shit? Yes. But this is growing, this is changing, this is learning, this is unlearning, this is worth doing.
Try listening with me. There are beautiful voices to be heard.